Lousy Pengajian malaysia presentation..

    For me, I feel like I had screwed up my pengajian malaysia presentation. I thought that I had prepared well enough to do the presentation but unfortunately, I was wrong. The previous night, I spend most of my time to do the dynamics assignment. I was trying to find other ways of solving the question without having to follow what my friend had done. So, after finish the assignment, I immediately rush to do my pengajian Malaysia speech. I have to start from step 1 again because my group had changed my topic and hence, I was rushing like hell to finish the outline and memorize the speech. I choose to memorize because I have a stage fright and my brain will go blank if I choose to present spontaneously. The outline is 3 pages long and I forced myself to memorize it within an hour. The next day, during the journey to UTAR, I keep on practicing my line again and again. I was confident that I will able to present well enough. But once I started to hold the microphone, once again my brain fails me. I totally forgotten on what to say and I really messed it up. When I talk to the microphone, I was shocked to hear my voice shaking and trembling. It sounds like I was shivering from cold. Thanks to the microphone, I can hear my shaky voice echo through the whole lecture hall. That time, I was pretty sure that I will make a fool of myself. I had prepared my cue cards just in case I might forget what to say but I didn’t use them. That’s because I was panic at that time (after hearing my trembling voice). How foolish am I. Hence, I spend most of my presentation time talking rubbish. I really feel so humiliated and embarrassed after I finished my turn. To add salt to the injury, the albino guy (which I really hate) was looking at me doing foolish thing during presentation. I really hate to let him see me like this. HATE IT.

    After the presentation, I immediately went to said sorry to my group member for ruining our presentation. However, all of them said that I had done pretty well. They said that it was good that I did it spontaneously, without referring to my cue cards. What the hell?! What is so good about humiliating yourself in front of 30+ audiences?! I understand that they were trying to make me feel less guilty but hearing them said so really pissed me off. I don’t need any sugar-coated word or lies to make me feel better. I’m neither deaf nor blind. I heard my own ‘coward’ voice echo in the lecture hall and I saw my friends’ expression when I made a fool of myself. Their expression was clearly shown that they were surprised to see me talk like that as they assume that I can talk really well in BM and English since I can’t talk in my own mother tongue. Because of this presentation, I have no mood to talk anymore because I don’t want to hear my voice sound like that ever again. So, I went back to my seat and listened to my MP3 to cool down my nerves (but it never worked). The other reason was because I don’t want to hear the albino guy’s voice as it was his turn to present.

    A good friend of mine who was seating next to me, tried to cheer me up by telling me that I had done well. In fact, she started a random conversation to make me think of other things instead of the shitty presentation.  Although it doesn’t made me feel any better, but I really appreciated her good intention and effort. Thank you my friend.

    I try to let go of this moody feeling by acting more cheerful. In fact, when I wished soon lee a happy birthday, I try my best to be jovial but in my heart, I know that I’m just acting cheerful and making a fool of myself again. At that moment, I no longer have any mood to talk. Those who noticed the difference in me keeps saying, “Why so sad? You done ok what..” They just don’t understand that all I need is a silent moment with myself, not some lousy motivation or lies. After experiencing what had happen today, I had learned a few lessons, 1) don’t prepare your speech last minute, 2) don’t think that you can memorize your speech of 3 pages long in 1 hour. You will definitely forgot everything once it’s your turn to present, 3) if you really do things in last minutes, don’t  waste your effort to memorize. Just read out from the slides and you will look less stupid or foolish when you are presenting.

 

Week 10!!!!!

    The time passes really fast! Now is already week 10!! OMG!! 4 more weeks and i will finish my first sem. After that, i got 1 week holiday for study week. Then… DOOMS day! Really scare now. A lot of subjects haven’t revise yet. Gonna stop blogging for a while, need to study liao. (unless i got very interesting story to share^^). Today in UTAR, there was an unfortunate event that took place during my break time. I’m not going to go into details as I’m depressed with what had happened. A simple conversation can somehow turn into something ugly.  

 

Hate you Lab Report!

    I love to use Microsoft word to do all of my assignments such as English and Pengajian Malaysia rather than to use my own hand writing. It’s faster (copy and paste), easier (copy and paste) and convenient (copy and paste). After doing a few assignments during my foundation, I had learned the art of paraphrasing. Paraphrasing and plagiarism are totally two different things. Paraphrasing is about expressing what you had read in your own word. Smart people usually paraphrase any article they found from the internet when they are doing their assignment as it saves time and it makes your work look professional. My foundation friends and I had done that before and that’s why most of the time, our assignment marks are always higher than our test results… On the other hand, those who plagiarize are usually the no brain people. They just copy and paste one whole article without noticing that they had also copy and paste the hyperlinks together. Some of you may say that ‘where got people that stupid and copy the hyperlink?’ Well, I met that ‘stupid’ guy before and thanks to him, my friend need to repeat his sem again. (It’s a group work. If kena caught plagiarize, everyone in the group kena).

    But I hate using the Microsoft word to do my lab report. Really hate it. I prefer to do it like during foundation, everything use hand writing. There are so many formulas involved for each lab practical and I found it really troublesome to keep on insert the formula template into the document. Yesterday, I was rushing to finish my dynamic lab report. I started at 8pm and I finished it at 6.30am (including printing the doc). It’s not because I drag my work, but it’s because of the confusion arising when doing the report. Like I said earlier, there are many formulas and calculations involved. To check on my working, I need to keep on scrolling up and down, up and down and I can tell u that it’s really damn frustrating. It’s like taking the lift up to 100^th floor, down, up and down again. Arggh. My dad was reading the newspaper when I started my work. Before he falls asleep, he still sees me in front of the laptop, doing my work and cursing at the same time. The next morning, when he woke up, he still sees me doing my work. Not bad. I’ve been awake for the whole night. But now I’m feeling the consequence of my action, zzzzzz..     

 

To apply or not to apply?

    Now I’m not really sure whether should I apply the PTPTN loan or not. Almost all of my friends applied for it. And when they asked me about it and I told them that I did not apply, they immediately label me as a rich man’s son. They sort of remind me of Miss Gertrude who used to label me almost every time during lecture or tutorial class. I don’t really see the point of applying that loan. Yeah, of course the benefit of the loan is that you can pay later but will it make any difference? You will still need to pay back the money plus interest to the government unless you are one of those super smart human who can get super nice result. Well, unfortunately, I’m not one of them. Besides that, I don’t really like the idea of owning the government’s money because it makes me feel unsecure. If I apply for it, I’ll have to pay them back once I had graduate and find a job. This means that I will be ‘bonded’ to the government for at least 1 year plus to pay back the debt.  

However, last night, my elder sis talked to me through the phone, asking me whether have I apply any scholarship or loan. And I answer ‘no’. So, she started to lecture me on why I didn’t apply for anything, etc.  

Sis: Why you didn’t apply for any loan or scholarship??!!

Me: What for? I sure can’t get one lahh

Sis: You can just try mah. Last time I downloaded a few forms for you and you didn’t apply for one also??!!

Me: I told you alredi, no use one. How can I get? My results are not good enough.

Sis: They won’t see your foundation result one lah. They will see your spm results. You can just simply try lah, maybe can get. My friend applied and she can get.

Me: See first lah.

Sis: You never feel kesian to daddy meh?

Me: Ya ya, I will go and try.

Sis: Never mind, I will try to find more for you.

And that’s was the conversation between my sis and I. It’s just a simplify version, the real conversation is much longer and ‘manglish’.  So, now I’m searching for the damn ptptn loan and thanks to my last minute effort, the dateline is on Monday and I still haven’t buy the pin yet. And the bank is close today and Sunday.  I don’t think I can apply for the ptptn loan but I’ll try for the other scholarships. Now, I just hope that the application form that I going to send will be approved or else when next time she calls, I better have a really good reason to defend myself.

 

Group Assignment

   

    The benefits of having a group assignment are a) you do less work, b) you don’t need to think too much, c) feel more confident on the final result, and d) at least you can simply blame others when things go wrong. But the biggest disadvantage is that when you have an annoying partner in your group. Doing group assignment is fun when you do it among your close friends but it will be a nightmare when there’s an unknown (or barely known) guy in your group. They always expect so much from you when they themselves only do a tiny part of the assignment.

    This is what happens.  I told this guy that I’ll do my part and he just concentrates his part. But instead of doing so, he keep asking me what does the other members doing, who’s the leader, why he seldom see the leader do work and blah blah. I politely told him that I’ll also ask the others to do their part. However, when I meet him again, he still keeps asking that questions. I really wanted to tell him to mind his own business. If he really wants to know what the rest of the members were doing, why doesn’t he ask them directly instead of me?! Am I their secretary? Besides that, every time when we meet face to face, he will never fail to ask me whether I have finished my part. After answering his question, I decided to shoot him back with his own questions, to let him taste his own medicine. He replied that his part is very complicated and really difficult to do, so he needs extra days.  His reply almost made me mad. He hasn’t finished his part but he still has the guts to ask me whether I had finished mine. *Patience*

    Few days past and we showed each other our progress. I had done around 8 pages (if combined with ting san, kean seng and harvin documents, it’s around 16 pages) and I expect him to finished at least 4 pages. And he showed me only two pages; one with mind map and the other is a short essay. He said he spent a lot of time to construct the mind map and I was really shocked with it (in a bad way). WTH. I don’t understand why do you need few days just to add a few sentences? *Patience*Patience*.

    Not only that, he keeps spamming my hand phone’s inbox and waste my money by asking a lot of unnecessary questions through sms. What he ask today, he will ask again the next day. Now I’m really regretted for giving him my hp number.  *Patience*Patience*Patience*.  Initially, I only need to control my greed, envy and sloth. Now that this guy exists, I need to add another sin into my control list: WRATH.