Sigh, don’t know what’s a better word to describe how I feel right now. Disappointed? Depressed? Gloomy? Dissatisfied? Upset? Well, I guess if you mixed all these together to get just one meaning, then that’s how I feel for today.
I was having 2 presentation today; Japanese and Structural Analysis II. At first, I thought it will be a good idea to stay over at my friend’s place so that I can settle all the slides stuff with my team members, who were staying there as well. But it doesn’t turn out the way I thought it should. We had planned to leave the place at 7.30am and go to McD to have breakfast. Since they have a special offer, a friend purposely took all the trouble just to print 3 pages of coupon. However, due to my sudden need to edit my slides at the last minutes, all of them were forced to wait for me to prepared myself and by the time we leaved the place, it’s already 7.48am something. So we have no choice but to cancel the McD thingy and just have our breakfast in UTAR cafeteria.
To make matter worse, my friend have to rush back to his place to fetch the remaining guys to UTAR because they have class at 8am. I didn’t even tidy up the mattress or clean up the table after whole nite using it because I was rushing that time.Omg, i really feel so guilty for causing all these. The Japanese presentation was ok i guess, though I feel like I didn’t perform that good enough. Too many shaky voices and actions..
The Structural Analysis presentation was the worst presentation I have ever had for this uni life. My group was supposed to start first but since a member from my group haven’t come yet, we were pushed into the last slot. From 12pm slot, we were forced to wait for our turn until the time reached 4.30pm+. At first, I thought everything will be ok after all the mess that happen earlier in the morning. But after we finished our presentation, the lecturer “attack” us in every possible way. He commented a lot of stuffs but to summarise the whole thing, he said that none of our points meet the requirement of the question. The previous 2 groups, who were doing the same question as us, also kena attack the same way but our’s was the most serious one. I think maybe it’s because we were the last group for the day, so the lecturer wanna enjoyed the moment before he released us.
So, when the lecturer was attacking our group verbally, I tried to defend my team and the choices that we made, but for every sentence that I tried to said, he fight back with more questions. As the time passes, the hope of winning the argument was slowly diminished until it reach a point when I have no more choice but to agree to everything he said. To be honest, some of his comments are true and I had learned some lessons on structure the hard way. In the middle of the ‘debate’ (i was so suck at it. if only i can be a little more aggressive and said my points more clearly), I wanted to put all the blame on the tutor to “save” my group but it doesn’t feel right to do that. So, I just continued to talked rubbish, hoping that he might give up on lecturing me but at the end of the day, he won me 130-0. Sigh.. it should be obvious to me that it’s impossible to win any argument with people who have a ‘Ir.Assoc.Prof.Dr’ rank.
I don’t know why but somehow I feel responsible for whatever thing that happen that time. I feel like I’m the one who actually misled my group member, not the question. The feeling of failing your own self is bad enough already but the feeling of dragging other people to fail with you is the worst feeling ever. This subject wasn’t easy and there’s a possibility that many people will fail this subject after taking the final exam. (I’m not cursing any one to fail. I’m just saying that it can happen). So, I don’t think I can forgive myself if there’s someone from my group who fail this subject and all they need to pass is that tiny boost of mark from assignment…
I have no more mood to do any assignment and presentation anymore for this sem..
Yeon Ciat's Space 