Confused….

The first week of the sem break was a fun one, doing nothing
but rest and watch tv and mess around with my elder sis. On the 2^nd
week, it became a dull and depressing week. Since I have extra free time, I’ve
been spending more time online and there were a few posts on facebook that keep
on appearing in my mind.

A primary school friend’s father just passed away recently,
and gosh… there’s no word to describe how sorry I feel for him. The thing that
makes it more painful is that, both of us are at the same age, which means that
I could be him, and he could be me. I couldn’t imagine how I will cope if I
were in his shoes instead. “Mimpikan ayah…..”. That is his recent post and it
really hit the spot on a fragile heart. Sigh, we don’t appreciate what we have
because we always think that this kind of things will only happen to other
people and not us.

Another post is about my coursemate asking me whether I am interested
to join a competition that relates to my course. I look at the details of the
competition and I don’t have the slightest idea on how to complete the project,
even though I have wasted 2 FREAKING years studying this course. Build
structure; consider safety factor and lowest cost, etc…. Urgh… 20% of my ‘will’
is forcing me to at least read finish the question and understand it while the
remaining 80% just don’t give a damn about it.

Last Friday night, during the cell group meeting, a friend
told me that his first option is to take mass communication course, but because
of the expensive tuition fee, he went to UM and graduated as a doctor. And he seems
happy with his work right now, and that decision he made in the past greatly
affect his future. Listening to his story force me to think, “Is it really too
late?” and it make me reconsider again all the ‘what if’ options.

And it doesn’t help much looking at friends’ posts and
pictures, saying how much they enjoy studying oversea..

I’m really confused right now ><